A man in France is seeking a world record by staying in a tub of tomato sauce, for 72 hours.
He has previously bathed in mayonnaise.
You can bet your life there’ll be someone peering through the key hole to watch the French dressing.
Dismiss me with a snort if you will but some people can’t help making a splash. A friend of mine leapt into a bath of vinegar and found himself in a pickle.
Then another bathed in jelly crystals. He was game, and set!
Still bathing in tomato sauce is inevitable. I suppose you can bottle your emotions for so long, then you see red and out it all pours. No matter how you dodge and weave, things ketchup with you sooner or later.
Please, you say, can’t they put something sensible in a responsible newspaper? Not while I’m around.
Anyway. I bet you’ve had a hankering to bathe in exotic fluids. One of my friends had a dip in a tub of brandy. Then he got his towel and had a brandy and dry.
My wife was particularly attracted by stories of Roman empresses bathing in ass’s milk. I mentioned it to my milkman who gave a scream of terror and departed in a bath of perspiration.
My family read about the Frenchman. My daughter said to me coyly: “Why don’t you fill your bath with ginger beer and then we’d have a ginger Pop?”
The sniggering adolescent. She’ll go the way of her father if she isn’t careful.
But If people want to be idiosyncratic about baths, well let them. Someone has to take the plunge.
I know a fellow who put wine, sponge cake and blanc mange in his bath. When his family remonstrated he said, “I can’t see why you’re upsetting yourself over a mere trifle.”
Mind you, we have some unusual objects in our bath. We store things.
My wife said to my daughter: “You can have a bath when we remove that great barrel of lard.”
But why not unusual bath contents? I’m in the soup all day and nobody cares, I get into hot water and nobody has pity. I get myself in a jam and who worries?
Some people favour a mud bath for beauty and Indeed we put some Bay of Biscay soil in ours. Another crack like that and I could lose my job!
I haven’t investigated the bathing habits of my colleagues but I do know that one enjoys bathing in herbs. He likes taking his thyme.
Another young secretary loves a bubble bath. We have bubble baths but they don’t seem to work for me. I only succeed in foaming at the mouth.
One night my family put custard in my bath. I leapt out with a shriek, dashed madly from the house, in full view of the neighbours
Unacustard as I am to public streaking!
Max Fatchen