Inflation has now boosted the human body to $6.55 for its minerals and chemicals, so I read.
Dr. H. Monson, of the Illinois College of Medicine says that 10 years ago, the human body was worth only 89c, but inflation may soon up the value to an ego-boosting $9.
I ran my eye over my- self this morning and instinct told me I am a man of worth. Looking at the futures market, in some places my values are firm but in others they tend to sag.
Nevertheless, I should fetch a good round figure.
The fairer and firmer sex may not take kindly to being a mere carcase of computation. My wife finds Dr. Monson very illinoying if you’ll pardon a pun manufactured in a brain which is full of common cents.
When you come to think of it I’m hardly worth a hardback novel and only a second-rate meal.
Yet who can put a price on a sparkling eye or ruby lips, how can we compute the long graceful limb or the rippling muscle?
“Don’t worry about Dr. Monson,” I said to my wife. You are a pearl beyond price. Why, on the open market, melted down, and even considering a slight deduction for painted toenails, would fetch $6 if you’d fetch a cent.”
She tossed her head and responded with her usual repartee.
“Your minerals could have a value,” she said. “When we consider the iron in your soul, the steel in your payday voice, to say nothing of your oily smile, it’s a wonder BHP and Esso aren’t bidding themselves frantic. You’re a walking Roxby Downs.”
“Let’s look further at your chemicals,” I responded, “the way you put the acid on my fishing trips, the strong smell of sulphur when I bring home a friend for dinner.”
“Mother,” said my daughter, languid in her jeans, “there is another factor in father’s favour which should put up his value. We have considered chemicals and minerals but so far there has been no mention of fats.”
“His boiled down value could possibly run a fish-and-chips cooker throughout the winter months.”
“It’s obvious,” my wife interposed, “that the human body will become more and more inflated. In fact, looking at him, I’ve never seen inflation more rampant and even earnest young Mr. Howard in Canberra could do nothing with it but stand silently on the lawns staring at Lake Burley Griffin and wondering whether to jump.”
I told them to take their chemicals and their minerals elsewhere.
If people want to start melting our bodles maybe they could do the busybodies first!
Max (inflated) Fatchen